I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
