We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
