i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
