I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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