Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
