It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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