Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
