what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
