There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
