she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
