brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
