just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
