apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
