The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you win again, gameday.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
