Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
