Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
