I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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