Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
