I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
