That's intense
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
