We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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