I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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