so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
