This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
