i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
