I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
