If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
