do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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