im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
