My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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