I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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