take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
