i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
