I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
