I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
