he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
