god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
