i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
