Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
