I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Watching her eat just hurts me
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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