what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
