dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Randomize
