By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
