So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
