she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
