I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
