Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
