Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
