I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
