no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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