He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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