im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
