I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
