My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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