Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
