I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
