So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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