We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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