What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
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Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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