My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
