I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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