we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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