I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
