a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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