I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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