i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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