My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
