I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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